elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

fuckingrecipes:

foxyplaydate:

ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS LISTEN UP.
YOU SEE THAT SHIT UP THERE THAT’S FUCKING CHOCOLATE LAVA CAKE
DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A CAKE COVERED IN HOT GOOEY CHOCOLATE FROSTING IN LESS THAN 15 MINUTES? 
THE CORRECT ANSWER IS A VIKING WAR CRY AS YOU CHARGE INTO BATTLE.
STEP 1: COMPLETE A VIRGIN SACRIFICE. (SATAN MUST BE PRESENT BECAUSE THIS CAKE IS SO DELICIOUS IT’S PROBABLY A SIN.)
STEP 2: PREPARE GENERIC BOX CAKE RECIPE ACCORDING TO BOX DIRECTIONS. BACK TO THE CLASSICS MOTHERFUCKER. MIX USING THE SPINE OF YOUR ENEMIES. 
STEP 3: POUR INTO A LARGE MICROWAVESAFE CONTAINER (LARGER THE BETTER, BUT IT NEEDS TO BE DEEPER THAN THE MARIANAS TRENCH FOR OPTIMAL LAVA)
STEP 4: TAKE A SMALL TUB OF GENERIC FROSTING FROM YOUR LOCAL SUPERMARKET OF SIN. SWIPE A MACHETE AROUND THE INSIDE OF THE TUB LOOSENING THE WHOLE TUB FROM THE SIDES AND PLOP INTO MIDDLE OF YOUR CAKE BATTER. DO NOT MIX. 
STEP 5: PUT INTO MICROWAVE FOR EIGHT MINUTES AND SET THE TABLE USING CHINA YOU RAIDED FROM WEAKER VILLAGES. 
STEP 6: REMOVE FROM MICROWAVE AND LET SIT FOR ABOUT THIRTY SECONDS. THIS IS BEST SERVED MOLTEN LAVA HOT ACCENTUATED WITH THE TASTE OF BLISTERS ON YOUR TONGUE. 
STEP 7: GET A SERVING DISH WITH A LIP THAT CURVES UPWARD SO LAVA DOES NOT OVERFLOW AND PLACE UPSIDE DOWN ON TOP OF CAKE AND FLIP OVER.
STEP 8: LIFT SLOWLY, COOKED CAKE WILL SIT ON PLATE AND LIQUID FROSTING WILL SPILL OVER SIDES. 
STEP 9: CELEBRATE WITH VICTORY SEX. 
STEP 10: EAT. 

IF YOU’RE ONE OF THOSE GORGEOUS FUCKERS WHO DON’T ACTUALLY LIKE SEX, YOU CAN SUBSTITUTE WITH AGGRESSIVE CUDDLING OR NEON-COLORED POST-IT NOTES FULL OF ADMIRATION FOR SOMEONE’S EXISTENCE. 

did fuckingrecipes just equalize this post for the asexual population gallifrey bless fuckingrecipes

Emma Stone attends “TASM 2” premiere at the Ziegfeld Theater in NYC (April 24, 2014)

actionables:

So my aunt bought me a new shower gel

and I thought it looked lovely until I noticed one little detail

its name is douche cream 

trencly:

tips on how to properly enter my room:

  1. do not

fuckyourracism:

sugoi-rudeboi:

jelizabeth41:

lyriciss:

petitfemmenoir:

THIS IS NOT NEWS

I don’t know what people expect Egyptians to be. I guess watching The 10 Commandments on ABC growing up got folks thinking they all looked like bronzed white people.

👆👆👆👆👆

BREAKING NEWS: BLACK PEOPLE ARE BLACK. THIS IS AN AMAZING DISCOVERY. BLACK PEOPLE EXISTED BEFORE WE DISCOVERED THEM AND ENSLAVED THEM AND FUCKED UP THEIR LAND. WOW.

Africans in Africa? Mind blown. 

Anonymous hour. Nothing will be unanswered, ignored or deleted.

kermitthefrrog:

So i’m submitting my paper to my teacher on the submission website and i clicked the wrong file to send her.

I sent her this gif on accident.

image

doublewowee:

does anybody else legitimately worry about how they’re going to share a bed with their partner when they’re older? like buddy i need all the blankets to make a burrito and then i need to throw them off of me dramatically in the middle of the night and lie spread-eagled across the entire bed how is this going to work

sarahkeilman94:

I’m at the grocery store with my grandparents and my grandpa has wandered away and now my grandma is going up every isle yelling his name and im hiding behind a cookie display cuz i dont want anyone to know im with the crazy woman screaming dick at the top of her lungs